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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions affirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {